Every single time, this is the outcome. And every single time I tell myself that I can handle it. Yet somehow I’m always left standing in the same spot: alone on the side of a road with no lights and no street signs. Not a human in sight. And when I look down at my chest I have to stop and catch my heart as it falls to the ground. I look at it in my hand through the darkness and I can see that it is now withered and black. Sucked dry of every last drop, my heart is the shell of what it once was. Blood no longer runs through its core to keep it warm and softly beating. Instead, it’s probably lying in the bed of your truck somewhere a million miles away. And the worst part is that you didn’t steal it from me. I gave it to you willingly, and when I saw how careless you were with it, I didn’t stop the bleeding. Now here I am, once again, with nothing to show for it. My only hope is that you’ll turn around and come back for me one more time. And I know you will, because you always do. But this time, when you finally make it back to that same spot; the only thing you’ll find there is the shell of a girl who has nothing left to give.
Sometimes when it’s late
And the stratosphere turns from
Red to black
I can still hear you
In my ear
See your army greens on my floor
The image of everything
We were never supposed to be
But we did.
And we were.
And you made me feel like
The winds of change
Didn’t have to be so cold
And if there happens to be one soul
Laying awake right now
And day dreaming of me
I’d want it to know
That I make more sense
Inside my own dreams
Let me sleep
I don’t know where you are,
But if your heart hurts tonight
I wanted you to know that I’ll do the bleeding this time
Because my eyes have been just as tired,
Peering out at the world through clouded lenses.
Empty swimming pools behind barred windows,
Little paper cups full of pills, meant to make us ordinary
It seems like we may never get the hang of this game they want us to play
Or figure out how to make sense of the tides
Which carry our minds away to bigger places.
But maybe tonight, I could meet you at the lighthouse
And as the stars pulse through our veins,
We could get carried away-
Maybe tonight, you could be inside my head
And I in yours.
And the world might be as beautiful as we were always meant to see it.
You don’t have to be alone.
I wonder what it would feel like
If every line I wrote was about you
The way you’ve always known me like the favorite verse
Of every love song you’ve ever heard
And just before the chorus,
They’d sing your name so quietly
That it would make my heart hurt
Because I always knew
It would be the end of all beginnings
And the beginning of everything
I never meant to lose
It tastes like ashes when I swallow
Dry spit mixed with words I’ve rearranged
Over and over
That no ones ever heard
And broken glass
Inside a heart that could never be broken,
Only ripped apart from the inside
Until the blood turned to gold
From all the souls it had touched
And turned from stone.
Today, for once
I am enough.
And I have been enough,
But this, right here.
This is the moment when it counts.
This is when blood still flows through my veins
And these thoughts still become
Pretty words on paper
That someone else wants to read
Today I am just me.
And for the first time
In a million breaths
It is enough.
I’m writing this because I know what it feels like to just need one person
Just one person to care, one person to understand.
One person to make you feel like you still exist,
You still make sense.
I’m right here, and I’m that person.
You are not alone
I have been right where you are,
Alone and lost.
Feeling everything and nothing all at the same time.
Watching from the ground,
While the rest of the world
Makes it all look so simple.
Breathing, and just being.
While I would sit with my head down,
And wonder why I was the only person in the entire world who had such a hard time being alive.
Well, I wasn’t. Because there you are.
And my heart was made just for you.
I remember when that train caught fire,
Half a mile behind your house
Your hands draped over mine, fingers laced between green grass,
Cold and wet.
You whispered in my ear that this,
This is your ultimate high.
And just as I started to drown in warm euphoria
The night went cold and silent.
That’s when I heard the train.
As the weight of your words
Held my body down firmly across the tracks.
And when I saw the flames in the distance,
My only thought
Was that you weren’t there.
My favorite story is made up of whispers exchanged in the dark
Laying side by side, where no one else can hear
Spoken in a language only we can understand.
Its’ words are written in the patterns
Her fingertips trace along my spine
Living in the heat of our skin pressed against each other
Kept only for us, in the spaces between bodies entwined.
And maybe we’re better this way,
Complicated and undefined.
Maybe some stories are too beautiful to write down.
Too beautiful to end