Letting go of the living

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do is to let of that which I so desperately longed to hold onto.

I’ve experienced death before I was ever prepared for the gravity of it’s consequences. It broke my heart in a way that I was certain I would never recover from. But recently, I have learned that sometimes there are losses we must endure which cut deeper than even the pain of death. These are losses not forced upon us by the cycle of life. You simply wake up one morning and realize that nothing will ever be as it once was. No matter how many different ways you remember it. No matter how much it once meant. The chapter is over. You are not the same, and neither is anything else.

And so you have to let go of things you still love. Ideas, feelings, and people. They’re all still there, within your reach. You can see them and touch them, but they’re not meant to stay with you. So you have to let them go. It hurts because their story does not end when you say goodbye. It will go on without you, just as yours will go on without them. And for some reason that has been harder to come to terms with than the death of anything I’ve ever loved. We can’t control the cycle of life and death, but we can control the path we choose to take while we are alive. Choosing to leave behind something that once gave you life… Resisting the temptation to sacrifice everything in an attempt to get that feeling back. I really can’t think of anything more painful.

 

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