So I’ve taken that giant leap of faith and somehow ended up sitting here, cross legged on my bed, typing this blog post. I sat here for quite some time, staring at the blinking cursor on my computer screen, wondering what I could possibly write about next. The only answer that I’ve been able to come up with is simply that I really don’t know.
All of the small stuff has come to me very easily up until this point. It didn’t take me long to get settled in here or to find a job. I was finally able to let go of the things that made me miserable in the life I left behind. All that’s left to do is put my dreams into action and start building the life I’ve always wanted. Of course, the part that matters the most will ultimately be the biggest challenge. Not only does it require more effort than the rest of this journey, but it’s also much more daunting.
I always come across these quotes, essentially saying that the only thing holding us back from our greatest desires is fear. I have found that notion to be exceedingly accurate, which is both empowering and intimidating. Fear is what drives us all, whether it is simply keeping us safe or holding us back. I would argue that it is one of the most difficult emotions to overcome, because despite it’s vitality in our daily functions, the source of our fear is not always clear. Many times, we have to dig deep within ourselves to identify our fears before we can even begin to put them to rest.
At this particular moment in my life, it seems reasonable that the fear of failure might be my driving force. I’ve always been very sure about the fact that I wanted to be a writer. Recently, that is something that has given me a lot of discontent. Everyone is always asking me, “What do you want to write about?” For some reason, that question is one that almost always results in a certain level of irritation on my end. It’s a perfectly normal thing to ask someone who says they want to be a writer, but I can’t seem to come up with an answer that feels sufficient.
I know that I love to write, more than I love to do anything in this entire world. The thing is, I truly feel that I can write about almost anything and enjoy it- even if it’s a topic that doesn’t personally interest me that much. I love researching topics I know nothing about and writing about what I find. I love writing about my own life, opinions and ideas, as well as those of other people. I enjoy writing poetry and fiction. I just love to write. It’s not that other people aren’t satisfied with that answer. No one has ever told me that it wasn’t sufficient. The problem is that I feel like that answer isn’t good enough. At least not for me.
I’m still left with the question of what to do next. I know that I want to write articles for a publication of some sort, but I don’t have a clear idea of exactly what I want to write about or which publications I want to submit to. I could write a novel, or a memoir, or compile a book of poetry. I feel like there are so many options, and the fact of the matter is that I just don’t know where to start. I don’t really know what my niche is yet or what I hope to accomplish with my writing.
I want to write something that matters. Something that makes a difference. Whether that means writing about my own personal experiences, or creating something much bigger to inspire social change. I don’t have an answer right now, although I can’t say that I’m not actively searching for one. I guess, for now, that’s all I can really do. Keep searching until I come up with something that feels right. I just hope I’m headed in the right direction.